How to Cultivate More Resiliency

Source: Hilary Dean

Ever feel like the world is sending a 1000 punches straight at your face? And you've got no time to dodge them...

Let's be real. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. 

On a personal note, I’ve experienced this feeling more times in my life than I wish to count! In hindsight, looking back now, I was suffering from mild-depression just after I turned 30 (which I didn’t really share with a lot of people) at the time. I was feeling super anti-social, which made me want to disassociate from others + things that I used to find joy in were just bringing me down.

I was frustrated with where my life was at:

• In a career I didn’t care for anymore but one that I had worked really hard to create

• Single, while all my friends were married or getting engaged

• Living at home (again - they call us the boomerang children)

• Living off savings that I was hoping to use to buy property one day (in one of the most expensive cities in the world!! yay)

All in all, I would use two words to describe that timeframe: frustrating and discouraging.

It didn’t matter how hard I tried to move forward, make changes, and create new opportunities for myself, there always seemed to be something holding me back. I’d get so close to a ‘fresh start’ and then BAM - the door was slammed in my face, yet again!

Luckily, the smarter part of my brain knew there would be light at the end of that dark tunnel. And it’s within these hard moments of our lives that great stories are built and character is developed. I learned to hone in on my truth and trust myself in these difficult times. Trust that I would be able to figure it out and that I had all the answers within. It’s also the timeframe that I really started to take my personal development journey to a deeper level and follow my curiosity. If you know me, you’ll know that I am not a big believer in the word ‘passion’. Especially because I see myself as a ‘multi-potentialite’ (Marie Forleo lovers will get that reference) entrepreneur. Meaning, I have a lot of interests and passion feels like you have to put yourself in a box. Which I will never do!

When I read this on Positive Psychology’s site, my experience and transformation made a lot of sense.

They wrote “Psychology recognizes that resilient individuals going through significant life events do not always recover effortlessly; they often find a new path. Even when knocked by what has happened, the darkest times still typically lead to growth, including (Neenan, 2018):

Source: PositivePsychology.com

• A new or revised self-image
  Resilient people become aware of unexpected abilities as they rise to each new challenge.

• Enriched and clarified relationships
  During difficult times, they recognize the friends who remain and offer support and those who no longer return calls or are toxic or draining and prioritize positive relationships.

• Altered priorities
  A new and possibly more focused perspective can remove what is unimportant and clarify and motivate meaningful values, life goals, and priorities.

A renewed purpose can also strengthen the resolve of those who are already resilient. “Studies have found that having a clear and valued purpose, and committing fully to a mission, can markedly strengthen one’s resilience” (Southwick & Charney, 2018, p. 251).”

All that to say, being able to access more resiliency from within will allow us to adapt and bounce back quicker when life kicks us down.

I recently re-watched a commencement speech that Sheryl Sandberg gave to the graduating class of 2016 at the University of California, Berkeley. She spoke of resilience as being the greatest teacher in her life. When you have a moment, take a listen to what she had to say about cultivating resiliency after the sudden loss of her husband Dave.

A Portion of her speech: Sheryl Sandberg (University of California, Berkeley 2016)

Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience. People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier. It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings. My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.  This simple practice has changed my life.  Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful. Try it. Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.  

Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.  We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor. I said: “Eleven days.  One year ago, he had eleven days left.  And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.

As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception. I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be. How precious every day actually is.

So when things get tough, think about the worst thing that could happen and be grateful for what you have in your life. Gratefulness will pull you out of whatever rut you may be in right now and just remember, life will get better. I promise.

Resilience may be a medium sized word, but its got a wicked punch and even bigger impact.

So embrace it.

Watch full speech here

Definition of Resilience

Merriam-Webster describes resilience as the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens

Moral of the story. Life happens. Sometimes things are going great, and other times it’s down right shitty. As a somatics teacher and personal development coach, I’ve seen a lot and experienced a lot of the ups and downs myself.

The story above is just a snippet into my life. There’s been a lot of grief, a lot of change, disappointment and fumbles over the years. Also remember, that a lot of social media isn’t real. So if someone is presenting their ‘perfect looking life’, they’re lying.

But through all the punches, I’ve learned how to adapt and cultivate a resilient nature that starts from within. It’s possible and I want that for you.

If you’re going through a tough life transition, feel free to reach out to see how I can support you. I have coaching and breathwork packages if you’re looking to release stuck emotions, move through a big event, or just looking to create movement and depth in your life.

Here to support you on this journey!

Andrea xx